How did anyone find answers to everyday questions before the invention of the Internet?

Well, according to my Google search, people used books, TV and friends for answers.

Yes, Google search. I'm e-dependent.

When I moved to Heathcote, a place untouched by high-speed fiber optics, I had no idea that it would be the equivalent of chopping off an arm. At least, an arm full of answers, recipes, contacts and those matching card games.

About a week after moving to "the sticks" I decided to make cookies. However, all the recipes I was so fond of still lived with my parents. Naturally I thought of Google - my search engine of choice (mine and about 93 million others every day, according to Google results).

Google would show me the way to 1,001 chocolate chip cookie recipes. But my trendy Toshiba laptop sat silently in the corner collecting dust. There's no point opening a laptop unless there's a live connection.

I discovered there's a little recipe on the back of the bag of chocolate chips. Problem solved.

Until I got a phone call from an "unknown number" and instantly thought of 411.ca's reverse lookup function.

I still don't know who called, but I can't say I lose sleep over it. I suppose I could just answer my phone. It's audacious, but success comes to those who think outside the box.

Perhaps that's what really gets me about my lack of connectivity - unknowns remain unknown.

What am I supposed to do when I'm reading one of those gratuitous fiction novels about Vampires at home, and I suddenly want to know who originally came up with the idea that Vampire's couldn't go out in the light and didn't like garlic?

I've used the Internet to learn important things like why people say "going Dutch" when a girl pays half for a date, how to spell Passchendaele, the name of that actor from Life is Beautiful, how many metres are in 93 feet, how many centimeters are in seven inches, the postal code for Marathon, Ontario, the number of kilometers between Meaford and Chesley and the correct spelling for the name of any government official I've ever had to include in a story.

I make Internet crepes and used Google to search for the names of albums I've forgotten.  

At least I did, until I entered the land of desolate dial-up.

Now I sing songs without knowing the correct lyrics, never remember the name of "the" movie with "that" actor, cook and bake by trial and error (more error) and I am the worst gardener in the neighbourhood. I tried weeding, but I didn't know which long green stem was friendly and which was noxious, so I pulled them all out of one garden and left them all in another. Then I dug up everything that was thistly. So there are big brown patches in my yard, bordered by the tallest dandelions in Ontario.

I miss my arm.