How was your long weekend? Nasty, I bet.

All of us, after a particularly wacky winter that was followed by 40 days and 40 nights of rain (or so it seems), were anticipating a wonderfully warm May two-four start to summer. But it was not meant to be.

Instead we were handed wind, rain and, in some local areas, snippets of snow. I wonder at times like these if those doom-saying global warming pundits are having second thoughts.

I spent the long weekend indoors, attending two family functions in separate locales. The first was the wedding of my nephew and the festivities were held at one of those snooty golf courses where I am not usually welcome.

This course was in the Milton area. Soon after we arrived for the mid-afternoon ceremony, and managed to get the bar open, my brothers-in-law and I (bad uncles, one and all) asked what it costs to belong to such a posh golf club. I may have misinterpreted the response, but I am fairly certain the young lady told us the initial fee is $75,000.

My brother-in-law Barry, a long-time steelworker, was slightly shocked that anyone would pay twice as much as he paid for his first home to buy the privilege of chasing an elusive white ball around a nice lawn. But when he had to go to his car in the parking lot to fetch a camera and was chauffeured there and back in a golf cart, he immediately understood how the other half lives and what it means to pay through the nose for being pampered.

After the wedding ceremony was over and the congratulatory cocktails were consumed, we sat down for a marvelous dinner. Well, it would have been marvelous had not my sister-in-law's place-setting nametag caught fire after brushing against one of the strategically placed tea lights.

It burned through the linen tablecloth before we noticed and doused the blaze. This incident was followed immediately by another brother-in-law accidentally dumping a glass of extremely expensive red wine in the lap of his wife.

The bride's side of the family likely wondered what kind of situation their daughter was getting herself into … but at least none of us threw up the prime rib dinner or got into a fist fight.

The best part of the festivities was that I made no social faux pas (that I can remember) and hence came away with my reputation unsullied.

On Day 2 of the weekend, the family gathered in Burlington for a bridal shower for a niece who is taking the plunge in June.

I have seen photos of bridal showers, but actually attending one was a first for me. I'm not sure I understand the significance of the pie-plate hat covered in ribbons that the bride-to-be is forced to wear. My previous pre-wedding social experience is limited to attending stags for the groom where ribbons are about all the stripper might be wearing and I don't understand their significance either.

Monday was spent in my La-Z-Boy, feeling guilty that I wasn't in the yard planting this season's flats of annuals.

And now I look forward to the next family fiesta, the wedding of my niece being held in eastern Ontario next month.

Last weekend's nuptials were held at a golf course called Greystone. Oooo …. how sophisticated. In June we will party down at a place called Beantown (seriously), an event site near Wendover along the Ottawa River. I'm sure our family will feel much more at home in Beantown, if you get my meaning.

I'm the official wedding photographer (another of my hidden talents), which means I'll have to play catch-up at the bar after all the shots of burning tables and spilled Merlot are in the can (I guess that should be on the memory chip).

Wish me luck.